- - -

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 00:48:39 GMT

every excuse that i made
was to keep me from fooling myself.

this journal has to many memories,
cant delete them all.

click to the
new live journal.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/vivaciouus/

Tue, 19 Jul 2005 00:44:51 GMT

unsure what to do right now..
im barely even gonna stress when people say shit.
i got those few people.
having it all dosnt matter to me no more.
it couldnt hurt to try something different?

THE KILLERS ARE KILLING IT!

butt so does white stripes.
barelyy listening to rock till i discovered them bands.
GOODNESS. THE SOCA®GAE DONT DO IT FOR ME NO MORE.
imm finding other things of my liking :)
thats always good.

BIRTHDAYS SOON? .. well not really,
but ima just saying :)

PLUS IM MAKING A NEW LJ SOOONNTINEE
keeping you posted.

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 17:20:05 GMT

shuuut the fuck up.

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 13:54:50 GMT

today i will be very busy :)
first im going off to church in a matter of minutes for tita angies dedication.
i will be bringing the gifts up i beleive?
nervous i might fall.
than im coming home just to clean my room a little bit
and around 2 i will be leaving to go out..
around 6pm i'll be at josh's jam, and wont be home till 2am.
now. lets hope i dont get drunk or blazed or anything,
i have school at 830 tomorrow.
might skip science?
but than id have 3 skips..
or should i just come a little late?
actually , i dont know.
but i know i have to be their for math so i can get my midterm&do the test.
yeap, cant wait till tuesday where i can rest all i want :).
ps. i need someone to teach me slope again, im starting to forget!

Sun, 17 Jul 2005 00:43:33 GMT

all i feel is sympathy

Sat, 16 Jul 2005 23:44:39 GMT

i love you mommy =)
went shopping.
got a red jlo suit
and this beige parasuco skirt.
im thinking of it as an early birthday present.
but god, i never seen my mom shop so much.
she spent like 400 on herself.
but sall good.
she deserves a day out =)
im so satisfied.
the weather decided to rain so the 'other' plans where cancelled.
sorry mae that i could not attend your party.
and i doubt ill be reaching joshs jam..
so tomorrow, its just gonna be ME AND CHURCH.
i got some little thing going on there tomorrow.
for tita angie..
i owe god a couple of prayers..
i should go to confessions too..
hmmm.

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 13:23:22 GMT

i miss my..
crazy funky weiird
RED HAIR.
=(
this brown is soo.. typical.
but its for the best! (y)

( never went to school today )

Wed, 13 Jul 2005 00:55:07 GMT

dyed my hair brown
got it cut again
going for a fresh image
new start.
~~no more problems.~~

worried siick.

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 21:55:56 GMT

enough family problems.
praying for my tita angie.
hope i can visit her some time soon beforee..
anything happens
stayed up last night with mom,
it sucks that i had summerschool today. I WAS SO TIRED.
but when i got home decided to do something for mom
and cleaned up our messy kitchen and baked BANANA CAKE.
later on at like 7 , my atehs and i are gonna cook the best meal mumms will every eaat!
shes gonna be so suprized! :)
but she deserves it..

i'll be praying day&night for you tita. stay strong for us

:(

...
this is where it gets personal '
just got off a long distance call with my lola..
damn, everyone back there kept sobbingg,
i began to sob with them.
i will NOT use the word cry.
because its true, im sobbing. crying my guts out right now.
i was talking to tita angie on the phone..
telling her how i love, miss her.
how she has to be strong and stay for us so i can visit her.
i told i pray for her every night, only think about her when i go to church.
i told her how she dosnt deserve any of this, that this shouldnt be happening to her.
i told her id take care of her sons, whatever it takes ill help them through this.
i told her everything, its like i was telling her my life story..
letting her get to know me again..
had a long conversation with just me talking..
its like i was talking to myself, or telling someone about myself.
after i said something id pause and start to sob.. as if waiting for her reply.
but i know its impossible for her too reply.
every now and than lola would come on the phone and tell me how shes just listening to me, staring at the ceiling..
lola told me tita angie even cried as i talked..
after i couldnt take it anymore, so i talked to lola.
lola could barely breathe, i feel like she barely pushing through this herself.
i just want to run to phillippines and hug her so badly,
im so tempted to just forget summerschool and everything and just leave.
why did i have to screw up.. i could be there right now.
they need me, espeically jeran and chris..
i wonder how they feel about this.
seeing there mom barely alive, their fatherr in ..
i dont know what to feel anymore,
life . its given to you, but easily taken away.
i just wish that she didnt have to end her life living it in slow pain..
why cant she just live her last few days with happiness.
mom says she probably cant even feel the pain no more,
shes either use to it or too numb..
why her? why does she deserve all this?
what did she ever do?
i feel like im telling a story.
i dont care who reads this. its just good for me to let it out this way.
i have a feeling tonights gonna be just like last night.
momm&me sitting down and talking, and sobbing.
tomorrows gonna be another hard day for me.
i dont think ill manage to get up this time.
HOW DOES MY MOM DO IT?! :(

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 01:22:28 GMT

THERE SOOO SIIIICK! :D

?

Mon, 11 Jul 2005 00:07:44 GMT

i cant handle myself anymore,
everythings just a little to extreme for me.
its like.. everything i thought i could do, and i thought i was capable of
is what i now think of as impossible and unthinkable.
whats happening to me now,
did i just get fucked over by another boy again?
twice in one month?
this is some serious damage.
its to critical. i think im done trying.
its gone to far, the last straw. never can i let this happen to me again.

oh. and friends? what are they there for when there not willing to listen?
yeah. it does seem like i got this one, on my own.

in need of some back up, moral support.. anything?

day off

Sun, 10 Jul 2005 04:29:15 GMT

relaxedd =) ; went and got my hair done with mommy, one of our goodtime mother daughter things. had a TALK in the car, catching up and stuff. gona have another liek that nexxtt week. when i came home chilled with ibrahim, crystal, christine, and it was a bit of a long story, alot of trouble making and journies anddd we gott HIGH. well me and crystaall.. on the buss... triped and fell. EEEEEEnough jookess, slow dancing watching the stars.. singing "killing me softly". gee, we joke too much crystal! today was spectacularr. its gonna be so hard to wake up for monday. (n) - LMAO: "peace to the world" hahaha CRYSTAL. you kill !

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 20:23:35 GMT

when it all starts to suck,
i like to mellow out on their musiic :)

jagged edge'

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 20:02:49 GMT

finally a break from summerschool.
this whole years gonna be hard,
after summerschool i get one month off,
than i start gr10 PLUS nightschool..
and just to be a credit ahead nightschool for both sem.
gee this is crazy.
i wonder if i should just stay the summer.
i have two choices, i think i pick #2. :{
& this new hair cut makes me look..different?
anyways, i dont think ill be working this year..
to many things to do.
and i just had a thought..
why do i deny it,

i miisss my daddy!

Sat, 09 Jul 2005 19:28:02 GMT

GOING FOR ANOTHER "NEW LOOK"!
anndd nooo.. there was no breakup this time.
hahaha, inside joke, inside joke!
dont try TOOOO HARD to get it. :)

ps. my new hair cut makes meee look ASIAN.
which is barely what i was going for..

Tue, 05 Jul 2005 21:28:29 GMT

Christine,Stefanie,Me

BIG BREAK

Thu, 23 Jun 2005 15:34:24 GMT

no more swearing, more smiling =)
finally made arrangements for my vacation away from everything&everyone.
august 8, &the day im coming back is undecided, going to cali by myself.
leaving the family,friends,house,dogs,CANADA.
gonna start over for a good few weeks.
cant wait to get away from everyones bullshit.
might come back if i miss you guys.
i want a niiice hotell.. hmm..
but august 8 is a loooooong way from today..
so i might leave earlier, like before my birthday?
anyways ;
im on my way to my last exam.. french.. =X

ps. i dyed my hair a good 4 times and its still BLACKER THAN EVER.
if i ever wanna dye my hair black AGAIN, smack me!
gonna have to bleache it today. i feel so sorry for my hair..

Wed, 22 Jun 2005 22:41:22 GMT

very dissipointed in myself.
but it was wooorth it.
slept over at stefanies,
crystal was there.
did some OUTRAGEOUSS thiingss.
eww the banana alcohall, the ADDICTION, the truth or dare / prankcalls.
many fucking more. hahahaha.
than today was the notebook, fucking cried for that shit AGAIN yoo
best movie ever though :D.
and complaints on how boys just never know how to be enough.
if you know what im saying!!
anyyyywhoo. goodd finished two large ice caps, thankyou mom for your services.
i need another though.. this new addiction is killing me, sooofftly.
i finally understand this saying noow..
"hand me the world in a silver platter", shitt.
YESS I AM very dissapointed in myself. along with everything else ive done in my past.
FUCK I NEED ANOTHER LARGE ICE CAP.
fucking rescuue meee biooottchh. :(
tomoorrows my fucking french exam,
than fucking summer school. waste of my fucking 10 dolllaarrs.
>_

(y)

Tue, 21 Jun 2005 03:32:04 GMT

big things for the furture.
many dissipointments, many many arrangements.
theres nothing i cant say i wont be looking forward too --
cause im looking forward to EVERYTHING.
detail to detail.
tomorrows the first day of summer.
YES! :D

im having that new outlook towards life.
tomorrows my science exam, and than thursdays my french exam.
than im done.. (but summerschool/math)
anyone care to joiin?

pain&lies

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 22:26:48 GMT

now whats really good?
iuno, its just the SAME SHIT everyday.

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 03:08:17 GMT

YOUR MAKING ME BLUSH!
HA HA HA.
im loving itttt.

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 02:13:50 GMT

you try to fucking cuss me off before you block me?
well first of all, HOW BOUT YOU STOP TALKING SHIT.
and 2nd the only shit i talk about is the TRRUUTH.
i hear things BUT IM NOT THE ONE TALKING IT.
you think i care about your buisness?
you think i care who you with?
you think i care bout your liiifee?
yooo, just stop running your mouth bout me and maybe people will stop running their mouth about you.
AND EVEN IF YOU TRIED TO GET PEOPLE AFTER MEE, THAT WOULD JUST SHOW WHAT A FUCKING PUSSY YOU ARE.
dont tryy to act smart with me, I KNOW YOUR 2FACED.

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 01:27:07 GMT

HAPPY BITCHES :)

Mon, 20 Jun 2005 00:08:42 GMT

THEY WANT BEEEEEEEEFF

Sun, 19 Jun 2005 03:49:49 GMT

IM GOOD
IM GOOD
WITHOUT YOU. :)
i know your all i ever talk about,
but i found someonee betterr..